I went to the field last night with my son to look for monarch butterflies for his third grade class and found an awful sight:
Needless to say, this was a disheartening find and I was speechless on many levels. Initial reaction is- as so often we do in grief- towards anger and blame, outward and inward. Then the process unfolds as I reach simultaneously inwards for deepened insight and interconnection and outwards for connection and understanding from others and the world around me. I send out these questions and confusions and feelings and let go, and wait and see if something comes back. Which it did. But, of course, not as I or other's might have expected.
"Without going outside, you may know the whole world" (Lao Tsu). Acknowledging the hurt self ego and allowing that connection to connect with another - that there may be another who's hurt and pain is far greater and deeper than my shallow sense of loss here, I was able to connect and learn of how this door came to be this way- inadvertently hit and carefully placed nearby out of respect, in the hopes that I might fix it again- hit me with a wave of forgiveness and appreciation and compassion for those who were involved. They feared retribution - the anger- as I must assume- they have felt all their lives- and when it did not come, but understanding and acceptance was in it's place- a new place of respect and honor and pride was found. Being a true neighbor was found- being human was found. In our faults, we can make gain- but it takes compassion and setting aside of the ego and id.
"Confusion and ignorance make us think that we are the only ones who suffer...train yourself so that you can become skillful enough to restore communication" (Thich Nhat Hanh, excerpt from Anger) and then see where that new sense of communication can lead you together.
You might be surprised how it grows and ultimately, heals both of you and the world around you.
"Many things we do not understand simply because we are not yet in a position to do so. This is why other people's experiences and points of view is not only a comfort to them but a relive to us as well. Love overlooks differences, for it notices something of far greater importance: how much alike we are because how much like love itself we are. Once we see this honestly, we quickly begin to lose our fear of others and a gain confidence in our potential harmlessness as well. The more we enfold others in this harmlessness, through releasing our own mind of defensiveness and suspicion, the more we begin to glimpse the vast harmlessness of the universe and how utterly impossible it would be for any living thing to suffer for very long in any true sense. there is an end to pain...never are we left comfortless." ( Jampolsky, G., 2000. Teach Only Love, p.72
Thus, for now, the door shall rest. Window unbroken, still witnessing that which needs to be.
And I shall wait, until it (and others) are ready for the story of rebirth, to be reborn anew.